


There is this boy in my drama club

by ShinMeiko



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli, Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Cal Price POV, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-09 12:28:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18638122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinMeiko/pseuds/ShinMeiko
Summary: I know I’m bisexual. I’ve been attracted to boys and girls before, I’ve kissed a boy and two girls, and they all impacted me the same. So I’m not surprised to be attracted by him, it’s just a bit unfortunate. Sometimes, I get a vibe from him that he might be gay, but it might be because I’m looking for it. It’s easier when it’s girls. The odds of them being straight are greater than boys being gay. It’s just statistics. And we are in high school. If Simon were gay, he would have to be ready to be out if I wanted to pursue anything.Oh, and, yeah… he also would have to be into me.orCal has a crush and Simon and, for a moment, it feels like Simon has a crush back.The events of Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda from Cal's point of view.





	There is this boy in my drama club

There is this boy in my drama club. He has no idea, but he completely distracts me. I am the stage manager this year, which I’m super proud of, since I’m still a junior, so it’s literally my job to pay attention to every detail, all the time, make sure that everyone does their best, and prevent any issue from arising.

But there are these moments when my mind completely detaches from the task I’m doing and drifts to Simon Spier. He has silver eyes, messy hair, cute glasses, the most contagious laugh, and the warmest smile.

He is also very funny. Like, just today, he had this idea to hide Oliver’s satchel under his shirt and stagger around the stage with his hand on his lower back like he was pregnant. It might not be a funny story to tell, but it was hilarious to watch.

I know I’m bisexual. I’ve been attracted to boys and girls before, I’ve kissed a boy and two girls, and they all impacted me the same. So I’m not _surprised_ to be attracted by him, it’s just a bit unfortunate. Sometimes, I get a vibe from him that he might be gay, but it might be because I’m looking for it. It’s easier when it’s girls. The odds of them being straight are greater than boys being gay. It’s just statistics. And we are in high school. If Simon were gay, he would have to be ready to be out if I wanted to pursue anything.

Oh, and, yeah… he also would have to be into me.

But I can’t help it.

Sometimes, he looks at me, and it’s like we have this unspoken understanding of each other. It’s nice and confusing at the same time. I know I should talk to him, but it is a bit nerve-wracking, so I only ever talk to him about the play.

 

There is something magical about homecoming that people who are into sports would not be able to understand. It is this one evening when everyone gets together and comes to watch this one game. Even if, the other 364 days, they wouldn’t think about sports once.

I really like that idea of community. Of people coming together for one evening, regardless of their differences, to enjoy entertainment together, regardless of how much they would like it normally.

This year is even more magical. Because Simon is here. He is even leaving his lunch table friends behind to come sit with us. I know that it’s probably because it was too crowded down there, but still. It makes my heart beat faster.

He reached under the banister and tap me on the shoulder.

“What’s up, Simon?” I say. I might have dreamt it, but I could swear that his smile got slightly wider when I said his name.

“Hey,” he says. “Can I join you guys?”

As if I were going to say no to that. “Definitely”. I scoot over a few feet. “Plenty of room.” And there is. It is a bit unfortunate, because I wouldn’t have minded if we had to be closer. Close enough that our arms would touch, maybe.

He doesn’t say anything, and it is kind of my chance to engage with him outside of drama club, so I say: “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you at a game.” I have to push my bang out of my eyes, and I feel very self-conscious.

“This is my first time,” he says. And he looks a bit embarrassed about what he just said, even though I’m not entirely sure why.

“That’s cool.” I try to sound calm, but there is no way he doesn’t hear my heart pounding. I resolutely keep my eyes on the game, because if I were facing him, I would just stare. “I like coming when I can.” That’s a lie. Why would I lie? Because liking football makes me look manly? “I try to make it to homecoming at least,” I rectify.

We stay silent for a couple of minutes, and then Martin Adderall joins us and starts talking to Simon, who doesn’t look to pleased about having to talk to Martin. Which means that he either wanted to keep talking to me, or he just doesn’t like Martin that much.

I neither like nor dislike Martin, but I have noticed that he is getting clingy with Simon lately and that Simon is getting tensed whenever Martin is around. Something probably happened between them, and I am not entirely sure if I should be looking into it. To maintain peace on stage, nothing more, obviously.

 

I am setting everything up for rehearsal when Simon walks in with some leftover cake. Apparently, it’s his birthday.

Ms. Albright, because she’s the best, lets us have a picnic on the stage. We shovel the cake more than we eat it, but it is a very sweet (pun intended) moment to be sharing together.

“Ohmigod,” Amy says without taking a breath. “I think I just gained five pounds.”

“Aww. I guess I’m lucky I have a really fast metabolism.” Taylor answers. This girl has no filter. At this point, it is a complete lack of empathy. I’m not sure if she’s more leaning towards autism or sociopathy.

Then Ms. Albright tries to make us take some notes on a scene, but let’s face it: everyone is on a sugar high, and nobody is being productive.

We push through without a break, and it is exhausting. But there is a respite at some point, and I take those few minutes to go thank Simon for the cake, or something.

He is sitting near the bottom of the risers. I stand in front of him and gently nudge his foot with the toe of my sneaker. “Hey,” I say. “Happy birthday.”

A genuinely happy smile blooms on his face and it warms me up.

I sit beside him, leaving a foot or so between us. “Doing anything to celebrate?”

He is quiet for a moment. I didn’t want to embarrass him. Maybe he doesn’t have plans. Or maybe he does and thinks I’m fishing for an invite.

“Yeah, I guess so,” he says finally. “I think we’re having ice cream cake. Oreo.”

I think I have noticed Simon having a thing for Oreos. I mean… he’s probably going to die of diabetes, but it’s still cute. “That’s cool. Hope you saved room for it.”

For some reason, he looks slightly disappointed. I’m not quite sure why. Maybe I should just go back to the stage. “Okay, well, enjoy it.”

I stand up and then I can’t help it. I have to touch him. He’s just here, and it’s the easiest way I have to give him a hint that I’m just here too, and I would like… more. I put my hand on his shoulder. Not even for a second.

He looks at me and he looks both surprised and happy. That lights a hope in my chest. Maybe there is something there after all.

 

We are making great progress with the play and, overall, I’m happy with it. I think we’ll be ready on time, and it’s going to be a success.

Today is a slow day, partly because Mila is busy comforting Laura because of something that happened on the school Tumblr. I sort of understand the appeal of it, but I wish people would stop posting and reading it. It really doesn’t bring out the best in them.

I am sitting with Sasha and Briana, two senior girls from the drama club, outside the dressing room. Our backs to the wall and our legs stretched in front of us. It’s comfy.

Then Simon appears and when I look at him, I can’t help it. I smile. “Hey”, he says.

“What’s up, Simon?”

“Oh, well. Nothing.” But he clearly looks a bit unsettled. Before I can ask, he adds “Hey, are we supposed to be doing anything right now?” Then he blushes, but I have no idea why.

“Nah, I think Ms. Albright is just finishing some stuff up, and then she’ll tell us what to do.”

“Works for me,” he says. And then he stares at that spot where Sasha’s legs are on mine, by the ankle. He seems upset by it. I want to sweat that it means nothing, that she’s just a friend, that she’s just like that with anybody. But maybe I’m reading into his face and seeing things that aren’t there. So I say nothing and Ms. Albright appears. Just like that, the moment is gone.

Did I just become the guy that might have a girlfriend in his eyes? If so, how do I change that?

 

There are times during rehearsal when Simon stares at me with this intense gaze and it really confuses me. I’m not entirely sure what to read in it, but he never acts on it. He never talks to me first, he never makes any kind of physical contact.

Regardless, it still hooks me a little bit more every time. This isn’t a little crush, anymore. It’s starting to be massive and consuming, and it’s there even when he’s not.

But… I don’t know. Sometimes, I have this vibe he might be gay, but sometimes, I have this vibe that he’s into Abby. He definitely talks to her first. He definitely makes physical contact with her. I hate to admit this, but it’s possible that I might be jealous.

 

The entire drama club spends the first Saturday of Christmas break at school. Everyone sits in a circle on the stage in pajamas, eating donut holes and drinking coffee. Simon is sitting next to Abby and her legs are on his. Not like Sasha’s were on mine. Abby’s legs are properly onto his lap.

Martin shows up, and he takes my mind off Abby’s legs immediately: he’s wearing a long, old-fashioned nightgown and curlers. Abby smiles at Martin and he tries to show off. He does a pirouette and immediately gets tangled in his nightgown. But he catches himself on the armrest of a chair, and gives this triumphant smile. I had to give him this: Martin is a showman.

Ms. Albright calls us to order and I get my script out. As nice as it all is, we have a lot of work to do today. She explains the plan for the day, and then she gives us five minutes to get ready.

From the corner of my eye, I see Simon stand up and walk toward me. He sits with me on the platform and nudges my knee.

“Nice polka dots,” he says. I can’t help but smile. It’s the first time he talked to me first other than ‘hey’, and it’s his first unnecessary physical contact.

“Nice Labradors,” I reply.

He smiles and has a look at my doodles. “What are you drawing?”

“Oh, this? I don’t know,” I say. I am a bit uncomfortable, so I play with my hair.

“I didn’t know you could draw.”

I shrug. “Sort of.” It’s a big thing for me, but I let him have a look at my drawings. He looks happy with them, especially the one of the superhero. Which makes me happy, because I am proud of that one.

Then he slides a bit closer and our legs sort of touch. My head is spinning.

He seems on the verge of saying something, but he closes his mouth almost immediately. Instead, he asks: “How’s the coffee?”

Fine. I’ll settle for small talk. “Pretty good, Simon. Pretty good.”

From across the room, Abby is watching us with a knowing look, and I wonder if it means something. I can’t help but hope that, maybe, it’s because Simon told her something. About me.

I don’t have time to linger on the thought, because Ms. Albright asks me to take a few of us to go to the music room. I ask ‘whoever is nearest’ at the time, but that’s only because Simon is a few feet away. It’s kind of a perfect situation.

To get there, we have to walk all the way past the math and science classrooms and down the back stairway. Everything is dark and spooky and awesome on a Saturday. The school is totally empty. The music room is tucked into its own alcove at the end of the hall downstairs.

There are three rows of chairs on built-in platforms that edge around the sides of the classroom in a split hexagon shape. In the center of the room is a big wooden upright piano. There’s a laminated sign taped to the front reminding us to have outstanding posture. I sit on the edge of the piano bench, stretching my arm back behind my head.

“So. Um, maybe we could start with ‘Consider Yourself’ or ‘Pick a Pocket or Two,’” I say, shuffling my foot against the leg of the piano bench. I’m not quite sure what I’m doing.

Martin is trying to get Abby’s attention, and she stabs him in the gut with a wooden drumstick. Some other people got the guitars and start playing some songs. Not particularly well.

Most people aren’t listening to me. There is Taylor, because she is nothing but focused like a hawk. But there is also Simon. It makes me oddly proud that he would still be focused on me when there are so many distractions in the room.

“Do you want us to clear away these music stands?” he asks me.

“Uh, yeah. That would be awesome,” I say. “Thanks, y’all.”

Everyone starts working. Taylor and Simon are talking about a piece of paper Simon found, but Martin asks me something, and I can’t listen to what they are saying. Simon is looking at Taylor like she told him Santa isn’t real.

I have Ms. Albright’s laptop, which has piano recordings of the accompaniment to all the songs. Everyone’s a pretty good sport about running through everything once, and it’s not a total disaster. Taylor has an amazing voice, and Abby a great dancer. Martin is hilarious, especially in his ridiculous nightgown that he definitely knows how to turn into an asset

There’s still almost an hour before we’re supposed to reconvene in the auditorium, and we’re probably supposed to run through everything again, but I am not the bossiest person and everyone is a bit giddy. It’s Saturday, we’re in an empty, dark school, and we’re a bunch of theater kids wearing pajamas and on a sugar high.

We end up singing Disney songs in the stairwell. Abby weirdly knows every word to every song in _Pocahontas_ , and everyone knows _The Lion King_ and _Aladdin_ and _Beauty and the Beast_. Taylor can improvise harmonies, and I guess we’re all warmed up from singing the _Oliver!_ songs, because it just sounds really amazing. And the acoustics in the stairwell are incredible.

When we go back upstairs, and Mila Odom and Eve Miller pull a bunch of rolling chairs out of the computer lab. Doesn’t anyone lock the doors in this school? That _has to be_ a security issue.

The school has long, straight hallways, and we end up having a rolling chair race through the English department. I team up with Simon. He is gripping the bottom of a rolling chair with both hands, while I push him down the hall in a full-on run.

I am not the fastest person in the world, so there is no way we are going to win, but Simon doesn’t seem to care. He even looks like he’s having the time of his life. My hands grip his shoulders, and we’re both laughing, and the rows of lockers are a toothpaste-blue blur.

He lets down his legs, and we skid to a stop. He stands up, still half-laughing and raises his hand. I am pretty sure he wants a high five, but the opportunity is too golden to let go and I thread my fingers through his for a second.

It’s nothing, but it feels like the world. It is a bit overwhelming, so I look down. I can feel the smile on my face. We untangle our hands Simon looks away too. He seems as flustered as I am.

Then Taylor, of all people, mounts one of the chairs. Her blond hair flies backward as Abby pushes her, and they’re the indisputable champions.

Abby collapses into Simon, laughing and panting, and they slide to the floor against the lockers. She leans her head on his shoulder, and he slides an arm around her back. They look so natural together. This confuses me. It definitely felt like Simon and I just shared a moment, but it also looks like there is something between him and Abby.

I could be fine with that, if only I knew for sure. The uncertainty, the ‘might be’ of the situation, is killing me.

 

Someone sent me a link to the Tumblr. It’s the Christmas break and I feel bored, so I click. The most disgusting post appears on my screen.

_SIMON SPIER’S OPEN INVITATION TO ALL DUDES_

_Dear all dudes of Creekwood_ ,

 _With this missive, I hereby declare that I am supremely gay and open for business. Interested parties may contact me directly to discuss arrangements for anal buttsex. Or blue-jobs. But don’t give me blue balls. Ladies need not apply. That is all_.

There is a 0% chance that Simon wrote that. Not just because of the content, but also because of how poorly it is written. ‘anal buttsex’. That’s not even… And it’s clearly bullying, specific bullying, not just a random attack, because of how that person insists on the word ‘blue’ for no obvious reason.

It’s probably a hellish situation for Simon, and I would like to call him. But we’re not that close. I’m not even sure we’re friends. He probably needs people to leave him alone. He probably needs time with his close friends and family.

I also have this hope that, maybe, he didn’t see the post, and that his Christmas break isn’t ruined yet. I’ll talk to him in school.

 

I am the most awful person in the entire universe, because there also is this part of me that’s happy about Simon being gay.

 

First day back, I plan to talk to Simon after rehearsal.

It’s the first day without scripts, and we jump right into running some of the big group scenes. The opening is in less than a month, and it reassures me to see everyone so focused and energized.

But partway through the pickpocket song, Martin suddenly stops singing.

And then Abby says, “You’re fucking kidding me.”

And everyone is quiet for a minute, looking at each other. I look at what they are looking at, and I feel mortified. Two boys, who I recognize from being in our year, are standing in front of the double helixes. One of them is wearing a hoodie and fake glasses and a skirt over his khakis, and they’re both holding giant poster board signs.

The first guy’s sign says, “How u doin’ Simon?”

And the guy in the skirt’s sign says, “WHAT WHAT—IN THA BUTT!”

The guys are grinding and some other people peek through the doorway laughing.

It feels like the world turned into jelly. Everything seems thick and slowed. I would like to do or say something but my body isn’t responding.

Then, suddenly, Taylor Metternich, of all people, runs down the steps at the side of the stage and down the aisle of the auditorium, Abby right behind her.

“Aww shit,” says the guy in the skirt, and the other guy giggles. And then they haul ass out of the auditorium, letting the door slam shut.

Taylor and Abby burst through behind them, and there’s this huge commotion of yelling and footsteps. Ms. Albright runs after them and the rest of us just kind of stand there.

I need to go and be with Simon. But my body still doesn’t respond, and two senior girls sit with him on the platform and put their arms around him.

Martin looks mortified, his hands covering his face. I didn’t realize he was so close to Simon.

A few minutes later, Abby bursts back through the door, followed by Ms. Albright, who has her arm around Taylor. And Taylor is splotchy and flushed, like she’s been crying. Ms. Albright guides her to the front row, make her sit next to me, then kneels down in front of us. “So, what do you want to do?” she asks.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“I know opening night is approaching, but I think we should call it a day.”

I look at Taylor who looks like the shadow of herself, Martin who looks on the verge of a mental breakdown and, more importantly, Simon. He took this oddly well, but he still looks like he could faint any second.

“Yeah,” I admit. “I don’t think anyone will be able to focus anymore today.”

Ms. Albright nods and gathers everyone in a circle on the stage. “So, I’m sorry you guys had to see that.” She’s looking at Simon, and I can’t help but think that she is making it worse by doing that. “It was beyond disrespectful and inappropriate, and I want you to know that I take this extremely seriously.” She pauses for a moment, and seems to gather herself for a second. She is absolutely livid. “So, unfortunately, we’re going to have to end here for the day so I can deal with this. I know this is unexpected, and I apologize to all of you. We’ll pick back up tomorrow.”

Then she walks over to Simon and talks to him. Abby’s hand is in Simon’s and I know she won’t let go. She will stay with him for as long as he needs. Maybe today is not my day to talk to Simon after all. I wouldn’t even know what to say anyway. Not after this.

There is always tomorrow.

 

I did it! I came out to Simon, and I asked him out. Well… I said that maybe we should hang out sometime. But there is only one way to understand that, right?

He looked completely baffled and we got interrupted before he could answer something, but I did it. I put myself out there.

I know he might still say no, but we are kind of perfect together. We share interests, we have fun, we understand each other, and from that time with the rolling chairs, I think he likes me too. We don’t know each other that well yet, but I can’t wait for it to change.

I can’t help but hope.

We’re gonna have the most epic first date.

 

The following Monday, Simon arrives at rehearsal just as I’m leaving the auditorium to use the bathroom. When I see him, I stop, and we stand in the doorway for a minute. I can’t help the smile that stretches on my lips, and it’s kind of amazing, because Simon is smiling back. Then we both walk away.

It’s nothing. It’s not even a moment. But there’s this hope that spreads inside of me again. I know he might not be ready to be out _and_ dating, but it still feels like we have a connection. Maybe, if I just stick around, he’ll end up coming to me and say ‘Okay, let’s hang out.’

 

Then comes Friday. It’s the big day.

It’s a week before opening night, and we’re performing _Oliver!_ twice in full costume during the school day: freshmen and seniors in the morning, and juniors and sophomores in the afternoon. We have to be at school an hour early to get ready, and Simon shows up with his sister, who is almost as cute as he is. That’s actually sort of perfect, because I can put her to work. Luckily, she seems content taping up cast photos on the wall of the atrium, next to some screenshots from the Mark Lester movie version and a super-enlarged list of the cast and crew.

Backstage is chaos. I’m sure I could enjoy that kind of chaos if it weren’t my job to make sure that today goes smoothly. Props are missing and people wander around partially in costume, and the various Creekwood music prodigies are in the orchestra pit running through the overture.

It’s actually our first time doing the play with the orchestra, and just hearing them practice makes it seem that much more real. Chills run down my spine. This is finally that time. We all worked so hard for this. I’m proud of the entire team, but I also take a moment to be proud of myself. Maybe I could do this again next year. Maybe I could do it at university. I really like this moment. But I probably need to stop daydreaming and start fixing some of the chaos.

Taylor is already dressed and in makeup, and she stands in the wings doing some awkward vocal warm-up that she invented herself. Martin can’t find his beard. Simon’s first costume is oversized – not that it isn’t oddly super cute – and he doesn’t have shoes.

I am finishing up some touches on the decors when Simon comes back to stage, properly costumed. He isn’t wearing his glasses. He is, however, wearing some eyeliner. I take back the cute comment. He is definitely hot.

I’m crushing harder than ever.

 

The performances in the morning go really well. I couldn’t have hoped for better, really. It gets me so pumped for next week. Opening night will be the best!

But an incident occurs just before the junior representation. I’m stationed at my desk, with the headphones and the microphone. We are almost about to start when I am asked to go back to the doors of the auditorium.

There, I discover what has been done to the cast list.

It’s my fault, really. I should have checked it. It wasn’t on my to-do list, but if I had taken a minute to think about it, I should have done it. I feel like I failed Simon, and it creates an uncomfortable bowl in my stomach.

I take down the offensive list and the drawings that went with it. I really don’t understand why people would find that funny. I am a pretty easy audience and almost anything can make me laugh. I love all the arts, so I’m used to receiving all kinds of messages, even if they were meant for different demographics. But I really don’t see the appeal of this. I don’t understand making fun of someone for their sexuality. Actually, I guess I don’t get bullying altogether. What sort of sad person do you have to be to do something like this? Did they know how hurtful it would be when they did it, or did they not even think? I’m not sure which would be worse…

Then I’m trying to talk it down while Ms. Albright talks to Simon and Martin about it. I know we might cancel the show. I don’t even care anymore. It’s like all the fun, the glamour and sparkles have been taken out of it. Now it’s… damaged, somehow.

But Simon is a trooper and we carry on with the performance. Ms. Albright has a talk about bullying. Most of the crowd isn’t even listening, or worse is giggling. I’m not quite sure what’s wrong with people. Maybe it’s just school in Georgia, but maybe it’s the same everywhere.

Eventually though, we start the show, and the business sort of takes my mind off of what just happened, even if it can’t completely discard it.

Whenever he’s on stage, I look at Simon. His eyelinered eyes. His courage. His awesomeness.

 

The actual play is a smashing success. Apparently, we never sold so many tickets before. The team is fantastic. Ms. Albright looks over the moon. All the seniors get roses, because it’s tradition, but I get a full bouquet, which is apparently not tradition.

I’m sure now. This is what I want to do. I’ll give it everything I have, but theater will be my life.

As the adrenaline is still rushing through my body, I make a decision: Monday, I’ll find Simon Spier, I’ll talk to him – a real conversation – and after it, I’ll ask him out properly. Not ‘hanging out’. A date.

 

The word spreads ridiculously quickly. Apparently, it’s been the gossip online yesterday.

Simon Spier is dating Bram Greenfeld.

Maybe I should have seen it coming. They have lunch together every day, Bram is this incredible combination of A grades and soccer body, and I’ve noticed him looking at Simon a couple of times.

I ignored it because I hoped that Bram was straight, and because Simon didn’t seem _that_ interested.

I’m happy for Simon. I really am. He deserves a break, and if Bram makes his happy, I’m all for it. It’s just… it stings. It hurts, even. Whenever I see Simon, or Bram. Especially when I see Bram _and_ Simon. They look like they are sharing this secret that the rest of the world doesn’t get to know. I never realized before how close they were. I was probably blinded by my crush on Simon.

I’ll get over him. I know I will. But it’s going to take some time. In the meantime, I try to embrace my heartache. It’s the last trace that Simon Spier and I shared something at some point. Once the heartbreak is gone, so is our story…


End file.
